( his voice doesn't change, but jason's expression sure as hell does. eyes narrow, lips tight. )
Pushing away the people who care about you isn't going to fix anything. It won't make you feel better. Or more safe. It only gets lonelier, and darker. You're trying to avoid people fucking you over later, aren't you? Hurt them first so they can't hurt you later. But the one you're hurting most is yourself.
How can you look at me and call me your brother, tell me that it doesn't matter we're from different universes, and expect me to co-exist with him anywhere near me. After all he's done to me, to you, to the world.
Probably dead in a sewer. Maybe still boosting tires, who knows. Maybe where I ended up is shit, too. Maybe it's not much better, worse in some places, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. He gave me a family. A home. Somewhere I could go back to if I needed it.
( damian's from different--circumstances. a different place, different world. but jason's sure he at least gets this much. )
Without him I wouldn't have you. Or Dick's irritating voice yammering on about stupid bullshit I don't care about, or Tim. I idolized him as a kid, y'know. Batman and Robin swinging around Gotham, stopping whatever loser they could find that night. I wanted it so bad, and--being Robin? That was the best time of my life. Bad shit happened, but it gave me the chance to soar. If I could go back in time and get the grimey, snot-nosed brat far away from the batmobile that night? Prevent all of this? I wouldn't.
( there are so many things he should fix, but being robin wasn't one of them. meeting bruce wasn't either. damian's world is fucked to all hell and back, sure--but he's not so sure about this bruce. doesn't want to cut ties before he knows. )
Cut ties with him, if you wanna. 's your choice. Just like cutting ties with me is. Maybe he is a fucked up monster just waiting for the chance to unleash hell on this place. But nobody knows how to stop him better than we do. And I doubt you'd be able to handle it all on your own.
[ There's the fire, exploding out of him at the last word. There's a second point but Damian's stuck on the first, stuck on Bruce, stuck on how infuriating it is that he gets forgiveness and he --
This one couldn't even give it to him, even if he was different. He just gets to disappoint a third Batman by virtue of being alive. ]
He let you die and let the clown keep killing! He knew it was wrong! He knew every time he brought him back to Arkham he was just going to get out again! It's easier for him when people die and so he lets it happen! He let it happen to you, to Lois, to ALFRED!
( he's not touching damian, doesn't get singed but jason's definitely raising his voice now, ) I was stupid, I was reckless, I ran off without telling anyone where I was going, what I was doing! The only one who's at fault for what happened to me is me.
( fingers shove through his hair, gripping hard. )
Lois isn't dead, Lois is alive and raising her son. Alfred's alive. The Joker--look, you know I don't agree with him worth shit on that rule and it ain't all black and white but fuck. ( a wide, sweeping gesture to himself. ) It's alright for the Red Hood to go around killing assholes, people don't blink an eye! Think of what Gotham'd do if Bats started at it? If he was judge, jury, executioner? You think that'd fix shit? 'cause I don't! Your Bruce is shit, but there's universes out there where I'm the biggest asshole of them all and you're still here, talking to me. Dick struggles to even look at me! I'm not forgiving B for any of it. But I'm sure as hell not gonna hold shit against someone who hasn't done any of it.
He's taken more than one swing at Barry and Hal over the years for this stance. For not getting it - granted, they were trying to rile him up. Trying to distract him from the situation at hand, because the situation they were in was dire and Damian's "daddy issues" were getting in the way and they needed to deal with them.
But he can't - won't - hit Jason. Not again. No matter how much he wants to so he'll stop talking like he knows shit, about his better world where Bruce hadn't fucked it all up yet. He just gives an aggravated shout and hits the wall as hard as he can instead. ]
( damian turns around, moves to swing his arm out and jason's immediately responding. the looseness of his shoulders leaves as he turns his hip, reaches an arm out and tries to loop it in under an elbow to attempt to stop that fist from slamming into a wall. )
I get your world is shit and everything hurts but this isn't helping anyone, D!
( it slams right into his fucking face--square center for his nose and jason feels the crunch of cartilage, feels the blood gushing down his face. and man, it hurts.
enough that he does give an audible hiss and raises his free hand up to cover it. just. give him a moment. )
( nose crooked but it's not the first time. won't be the last. the blood gushing's a little more concerning considering--the rush of it. how woozy he gets for a moment but it's fine, everything's fine, and jason's wiping the back of a hand below his nose to smear the blood out of the way of his mouth.
doesn't last long considering how fast the flow is. )
[ Shit. Shit, fuck. Damian draws his hand back, shoving it through his hair. The other one joins it. Lashing out with a fist when words fail, when he knows someone's wrong.
( yeah, and it fucking hurts. his shirt's ruined, blood dripping down his chin and hitting fabric but jason's careful to shrug off the jacket real quick to keep it from getting on that too before he's. taking a step forward, again. tries to wrap his arms back around damian despite the blood fucking everywhere. )
It was already bent, no big deal. ( definitely hurts, fuck fuck fuck. it takes concentration and time to actually keep his voice even, enough of a tell for damian to pick up on but he's--not trying to hide it. not this time. ) We'll shove it back in an' stick a bandaid on it.
( he doesn't fight it this time. there wasn't blood when dick fell, not much anyway, but that terrible crunch had resounded over the din of the fighting. But there had been blood with Alfred. With Jason, after the Clown had made a ruin if him. Damian had thought himself numb to this.
There are tears. He is numb, feels numb, but there are tears. )
( sucks when someone breaks breaks your nose and they start crying over it. but jason gets it. the throbbing pain sucks, but it's the emotional pain damian's going through that he imagines is way worse. arms grip on tight, gloved fingers of one hand moving down to wipe away tears. )
I'm getting some really mixed signals here, D. ( murmured soft even if there's an edge of pain. ) Don't tell me you lied to my face earlier.
[ Break your nose, that is. Lying is less of a problem right now. He wants to shove Jason's hands off of him but he already hurt him (again) so he's terrified to touch him. ]
I shouldn't have friends. I shouldn't be around people. I'm good for the mission, I'm good at being a hero - I am not good at being a person, why do people keep demanding this from me. I don't want to be a person, I just want to wear the suit and save the world and let the rest all fall to noise.
( skin broken up the bridge and blood still over lips, his chin, down onto the tank top he's still got on. )
It's just broken. Just shove the cartilage back.
( he hates this so much. hates how much damian's--god. how much he's given up on everything. himself, the world, everyone else around him. damian does look up though, so jason pulls back, wipes his hand across his lips again, smears blood over a cheek. )
( this damian is so much bigger than his own. he'd--god, they'd all hoped by this time he'd be a little better adjusted. at thirteen damian's doing a fucking great job of getting there.
at nineteen he's a mess who can't even look at jason.
lips press together tight before he's sinking down onto his knees. it doesn't quite have the effect it used to: putting himself close to eye level, damian's so much taller. by the time he's done growing jason bets he'll have outgrown them all.
but it lowers himself, makes jason tilt his head up to look at him. )
I'm fine. Will you look at me? Just for a minute. We can call someone to fix it if you can't.
( it's softer, because jason's doing his damned best here; )
We're all liars and assholes and destroy everything, I know. But don't lie to me. Anyone else, I don't give a shit. But you can't keep everything in like this.
[ He sinks down slowly. Takes a steadying breath and reaches out for Jason's face, to settle his nose. ]
What do you do [ his voice is soft, painfully soft, exposing the unarmored underbelly of his emotions. ] when you don't like who you are, and know you're never going to change.
( just when he thinks damian's emotional vulnerability can't hurt him anymore, he asks the question jason's been looking for an answer for since--god. forever. )
You fake it. ( mirroring damian's tone: ) You fake it and hope no one sees how goddamn hard it is. How much it hurts. Hope someone--learns to accept who you are on the surface even it doesn't match what's under.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 10:18 am (UTC)Pushing away the people who care about you isn't going to fix anything. It won't make you feel better. Or more safe. It only gets lonelier, and darker. You're trying to avoid people fucking you over later, aren't you? Hurt them first so they can't hurt you later. But the one you're hurting most is yourself.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 10:23 am (UTC)How can you look at me and call me your brother, tell me that it doesn't matter we're from different universes, and expect me to co-exist with him anywhere near me. After all he's done to me, to you, to the world.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 10:38 am (UTC)( damian's talking still, at least. )
Probably dead in a sewer. Maybe still boosting tires, who knows. Maybe where I ended up is shit, too. Maybe it's not much better, worse in some places, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. He gave me a family. A home. Somewhere I could go back to if I needed it.
( damian's from different--circumstances. a different place, different world. but jason's sure he at least gets this much. )
Without him I wouldn't have you. Or Dick's irritating voice yammering on about stupid bullshit I don't care about, or Tim. I idolized him as a kid, y'know. Batman and Robin swinging around Gotham, stopping whatever loser they could find that night. I wanted it so bad, and--being Robin? That was the best time of my life. Bad shit happened, but it gave me the chance to soar. If I could go back in time and get the grimey, snot-nosed brat far away from the batmobile that night? Prevent all of this? I wouldn't.
( there are so many things he should fix, but being robin wasn't one of them. meeting bruce wasn't either. damian's world is fucked to all hell and back, sure--but he's not so sure about this bruce. doesn't want to cut ties before he knows. )
Cut ties with him, if you wanna. 's your choice. Just like cutting ties with me is. Maybe he is a fucked up monster just waiting for the chance to unleash hell on this place. But nobody knows how to stop him better than we do. And I doubt you'd be able to handle it all on your own.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 10:48 am (UTC)[ There's the fire, exploding out of him at the last word. There's a second point but Damian's stuck on the first, stuck on Bruce, stuck on how infuriating it is that he gets forgiveness and he --
This one couldn't even give it to him, even if he was different. He just gets to disappoint a third Batman by virtue of being alive. ]
He let you die and let the clown keep killing! He knew it was wrong! He knew every time he brought him back to Arkham he was just going to get out again! It's easier for him when people die and so he lets it happen! He let it happen to you, to Lois, to ALFRED!
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 11:03 am (UTC)( he's not touching damian, doesn't get singed but jason's definitely raising his voice now, ) I was stupid, I was reckless, I ran off without telling anyone where I was going, what I was doing! The only one who's at fault for what happened to me is me.
( fingers shove through his hair, gripping hard. )
Lois isn't dead, Lois is alive and raising her son. Alfred's alive. The Joker--look, you know I don't agree with him worth shit on that rule and it ain't all black and white but fuck. ( a wide, sweeping gesture to himself. ) It's alright for the Red Hood to go around killing assholes, people don't blink an eye! Think of what Gotham'd do if Bats started at it? If he was judge, jury, executioner? You think that'd fix shit? 'cause I don't! Your Bruce is shit, but there's universes out there where I'm the biggest asshole of them all and you're still here, talking to me. Dick struggles to even look at me! I'm not forgiving B for any of it. But I'm sure as hell not gonna hold shit against someone who hasn't done any of it.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 11:09 am (UTC)He's taken more than one swing at Barry and Hal over the years for this stance. For not getting it - granted, they were trying to rile him up. Trying to distract him from the situation at hand, because the situation they were in was dire and Damian's "daddy issues" were getting in the way and they needed to deal with them.
But he can't - won't - hit Jason. Not again. No matter how much he wants to so he'll stop talking like he knows shit, about his better world where Bruce hadn't fucked it all up yet. He just gives an aggravated shout and hits the wall as hard as he can instead. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 11:11 am (UTC)I get your world is shit and everything hurts but this isn't helping anyone, D!
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 11:15 am (UTC)He doesn't think, he just reacts. His other fist snaking out to slam into whatever is easiest for him to hit. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 11:16 am (UTC)enough that he does give an audible hiss and raises his free hand up to cover it. just. give him a moment. )
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 11:18 am (UTC)All the fight drains from him immediately. ]
I - I...
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 11:23 am (UTC)doesn't last long considering how fast the flow is. )
Stop hurting yourself, idiot.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 11:31 am (UTC)[ Shit. Shit, fuck. Damian draws his hand back, shoving it through his hair. The other one joins it. Lashing out with a fist when words fail, when he knows someone's wrong.
That's a Bruce move.
He feels sick.
No, worse than that. He feels tears. ]
I broke your nose.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 07:23 pm (UTC)It was already bent, no big deal. ( definitely hurts, fuck fuck fuck. it takes concentration and time to actually keep his voice even, enough of a tell for damian to pick up on but he's--not trying to hide it. not this time. ) We'll shove it back in an' stick a bandaid on it.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 10:55 pm (UTC)There are tears. He is numb, feels numb, but there are tears. )
no subject
Date: 2019-01-13 11:06 pm (UTC)I'm getting some really mixed signals here, D. ( murmured soft even if there's an edge of pain. ) Don't tell me you lied to my face earlier.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-14 01:03 am (UTC)[ Break your nose, that is. Lying is less of a problem right now. He wants to shove Jason's hands off of him but he already hurt him (again) so he's terrified to touch him. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-14 01:11 am (UTC)( he won't leave this time. dick already pointed out how much he fucked up with damian when he told him to leave. )
My nose's seen worse.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-14 01:16 am (UTC)I shouldn't have friends. I shouldn't be around people. I'm good for the mission, I'm good at being a hero - I am not good at being a person, why do people keep demanding this from me. I don't want to be a person, I just want to wear the suit and save the world and let the rest all fall to noise.
He looks at the damage, not at Jason's eyes. ]
You need to go to the hospital.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-14 01:46 am (UTC)It's just broken. Just shove the cartilage back.
( he hates this so much. hates how much damian's--god. how much he's given up on everything. himself, the world, everyone else around him. damian does look up though, so jason pulls back, wipes his hand across his lips again, smears blood over a cheek. )
no subject
Date: 2019-01-14 02:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-14 02:06 am (UTC)at nineteen he's a mess who can't even look at jason.
lips press together tight before he's sinking down onto his knees. it doesn't quite have the effect it used to: putting himself close to eye level, damian's so much taller. by the time he's done growing jason bets he'll have outgrown them all.
but it lowers himself, makes jason tilt his head up to look at him. )
I'm fine. Will you look at me? Just for a minute. We can call someone to fix it if you can't.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-14 02:10 am (UTC)The tears have stopped - more a panic reaction than anything, but it does nothing to disguise the sadness there. The bitter self-loathing. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-14 02:15 am (UTC)( it's softer, because jason's doing his damned best here; )
We're all liars and assholes and destroy everything, I know. But don't lie to me. Anyone else, I don't give a shit. But you can't keep everything in like this.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-14 02:19 am (UTC)What do you do [ his voice is soft, painfully soft, exposing the unarmored underbelly of his emotions. ] when you don't like who you are, and know you're never going to change.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-14 02:40 am (UTC)You fake it. ( mirroring damian's tone: ) You fake it and hope no one sees how goddamn hard it is. How much it hurts. Hope someone--learns to accept who you are on the surface even it doesn't match what's under.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: