[ Another slight pause, this one more intentional. The reply comes to him immediately, but he decides to give it greater consideration first. His hands threaten to twist, so he stills them, a pointed effort. ]
Yes, I can. [ he’s thirty one (or one-hundred and four, depending on some unstable variables), and he has two sets of memories rattling about in his head. His personality’s older and wearier than it ought to be, after weathering so much already. ] I’ve been thinking — we have to make hard choices if we mean to survive this. Any assumption otherwise is idealistic — well-meaning, but. We’re revolting against the cosmos by being here together.
[ Fitz has been thinking about this since he was carted off to a black site eight months ago. He never stops running the scenarios, never stops thinking and weighing and worrying. What if Bobbi’s compromised, or Markus indulges his martyric instincts? What if one of the people he’s nudged into pursuing intel finds exactly what they’re looking for — and dies because they weren’t trained to deal with it? What do you do, when you’re backed into a corner — when you’re inevitably shoved against the goddamn wall? ]
You make your choice, and you live with the consequences.
[ That, mercifully, gets a nod. Damian Wayne is nineteen going on ancient, carrying weight far beyond his years. It hurts to think about. It hurts to be reminded of his failings. It hurts to know he might be causing irreparable damage to all of his relationships and not knowing how to stop it. ]
I envy them. [ Is what he says instead of Good, but it's said in a way that's nearly world weary - maybe a touch too young for the severe expression that usually ruins his face. Even that's missing for a fraction of a second, replaced with something nearly lost.
He realized he didn't like who he was a long time ago.
[ This time, he follows through on his gesture — reaching out to brace a hand on Damian’s shoulder.
There was once a time when he told a seasoned agent that he’d never get his hands dirty. Maybe she envied him then, too. ]
Yeah. [ an agreement exhales more than said. The understanding he suspected is here, though it has manifested differently than he planned for. ] You’re doing your best, [ a reassuring squeeze. ] even if gets — muddled. Some people will be able to see that. If not now, then later.
[ he’s here right now, wading through mess of it, isn’t he? ]
[ He's not naive. Some people believe more strongly in principles than reality - he glances at Fitz' hand, doesn't shove it off. ]
My best doesn't measure up to their fantasies of how the world should work. The man who bombed Metropolis was turned into a martyr. The woman who helped him do it is now helping my - helping run the government. Maybe some will see, but most people don't know what's good for them.
This isn’t that world. [ a reminder of his earlier promise: they won’t let it become like his Metropolis, though Fitz has no doubt corruption already runs deep in this rotting megacity. ]
That being said, it won’t be the majority, no, you’re right. [ it’s a lonely and winding road to walk. however, it would appear he’s equipped to go some of the distance with Damian, so he resolves to do exactly that. ] We can only cross that bridge when we come to it. You and me. Anyone else who can bear it.
People are the same no matter the world. Naive, and hopeless to how the world actually is.
[ He fights for a living. It's natural. It feels good. And people bet on it. People fight robot animals and treat their families like garbage for drugs and money. They kill. ]
Every universe needs people like that, too. [ to push for something kinder and better, though fitz doesn’t know how to say that. ] Like Dick.
[ been wondering when he would come up and how. of course his stomach lurches, knowing what damian says to be true. ]
[ after a moment. ] He knows what I do. [ Everyone on the Morningstar server knows he’s an intelligence and counterterrorism operative, having faced threats on par with those in New Amsterdam. That means being willing to carry a weapon and use it, like any other tool. Only knowing it abstractly and seeing it in practice are two separate things entirely. Fitz knows it’ll get in the way eventually — and that he can’t afford to let it. As for Damian, well. ]
[ quietly. ] It won’t change how he feels about you.
[ you can love someone and hate what they’ve done. even through his singular devotion to Jemma, he knows love is a complex and accommodating thing, ever-shifting. ]
[ He's not naive. You can love someone and despise them with every fiber of your being, any warmth rotting to hatred as you think about them and all the ways you let them down. ]
I haven't told him about home because I know him - or the core of him. What he's like. How he views the world. [ And he knows, or at least strongly suspects, that Fitz will report back. Just as he suspects Jason will betray the tenuous trust he has and spill every dirty, rotten secret he has. ] He knew suffering later in life, and he was shielded from the worst of it even then. He's never been in this situation.
[ splitting hairs, but it matters, in this case. ]
You can keep things from him. [ everybody lies and omits. people only think fitz does it less because he’s open about many topics. ] I won’t deny you that right, but it’s still his choice to proceed based on whatever information you’ve given him. However well you know him — and I recognise you know him better than me — you can’t make that decision for him.
[ by assuming he won’t or can’t understand. There’s nuance to the best of this world. Even Captain America and Peggy Carter did what they had to do in the war. ]
[ listen his girlfriend shot his evil dad. he can get down with the concept of slam-dunking questionable fatherhood in the trash where it belongs, but — ]
Then you demand space before you cut them out, so you can figure out necessary boundaries — Set ground rules about keeping their relationships to you and him separate. This city is deceptively small, for people like us.
[ this advice is absolutely some wishful thinking but uh gotta try it? ]
It doesn't work that way. Not with him. I want no part of him.
[ Frustration is creeping into his voice. ]
Imagine - a man ruins your life. Completely. Takes everything away from you. You get free and he shows up here, and you're just supposed to accept him being there.
[ Yeah, he can imagine a few people like that, including his father. Alistair, Ophelia, Ward — ]
Hey, you don’t have to accept it. Whatever he did — it’s obviously inexcusable. No forgiveness. No mercy. [ though it’s not the same man, apparently. ] But pushing everyone away is an ill-fitting stopper.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 05:49 am (UTC)Yes, I can. [ he’s thirty one (or one-hundred and four, depending on some unstable variables), and he has two sets of memories rattling about in his head. His personality’s older and wearier than it ought to be, after weathering so much already. ] I’ve been thinking — we have to make hard choices if we mean to survive this. Any assumption otherwise is idealistic — well-meaning, but. We’re revolting against the cosmos by being here together.
[ Fitz has been thinking about this since he was carted off to a black site eight months ago. He never stops running the scenarios, never stops thinking and weighing and worrying. What if Bobbi’s compromised, or Markus indulges his martyric instincts? What if one of the people he’s nudged into pursuing intel finds exactly what they’re looking for — and dies because they weren’t trained to deal with it? What do you do, when you’re backed into a corner — when you’re inevitably shoved against the goddamn wall? ]
You make your choice, and you live with the consequences.
[ don’t look back. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 05:57 am (UTC)I envy them. [ Is what he says instead of Good, but it's said in a way that's nearly world weary - maybe a touch too young for the severe expression that usually ruins his face. Even that's missing for a fraction of a second, replaced with something nearly lost.
He realized he didn't like who he was a long time ago.
And that he's too far gone to change it now. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 06:07 am (UTC)There was once a time when he told a seasoned agent that he’d never get his hands dirty. Maybe she envied him then, too. ]
Yeah. [ an agreement exhales more than said. The understanding he suspected is here, though it has manifested differently than he planned for. ] You’re doing your best, [ a reassuring squeeze. ] even if gets — muddled. Some people will be able to see that. If not now, then later.
[ he’s here right now, wading through mess of it, isn’t he? ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 06:21 am (UTC)[ He's not naive. Some people believe more strongly in principles than reality - he glances at Fitz' hand, doesn't shove it off. ]
My best doesn't measure up to their fantasies of how the world should work. The man who bombed Metropolis was turned into a martyr. The woman who helped him do it is now helping my - helping run the government. Maybe some will see, but most people don't know what's good for them.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 06:37 am (UTC)This isn’t that world. [ a reminder of his earlier promise: they won’t let it become like his Metropolis, though Fitz has no doubt corruption already runs deep in this rotting megacity. ]
That being said, it won’t be the majority, no, you’re right. [ it’s a lonely and winding road to walk. however, it would appear he’s equipped to go some of the distance with Damian, so he resolves to do exactly that. ] We can only cross that bridge when we come to it. You and me. Anyone else who can bear it.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 06:40 am (UTC)[ He fights for a living. It's natural. It feels good. And people bet on it. People fight robot animals and treat their families like garbage for drugs and money. They kill. ]
Dick won't walk this path with you. [ With me. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 07:03 am (UTC)[ been wondering when he would come up and how. of course his stomach lurches, knowing what damian says to be true. ]
[ after a moment. ] He knows what I do. [ Everyone on the Morningstar server knows he’s an intelligence and counterterrorism operative, having faced threats on par with those in New Amsterdam. That means being willing to carry a weapon and use it, like any other tool. Only knowing it abstractly and seeing it in practice are two separate things entirely. Fitz knows it’ll get in the way eventually — and that he can’t afford to let it. As for Damian, well. ]
[ quietly. ] It won’t change how he feels about you.
[ you can love someone and hate what they’ve done. even through his singular devotion to Jemma, he knows love is a complex and accommodating thing, ever-shifting. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 07:10 am (UTC)[ He's not naive. You can love someone and despise them with every fiber of your being, any warmth rotting to hatred as you think about them and all the ways you let them down. ]
I haven't told him about home because I know him - or the core of him. What he's like. How he views the world. [ And he knows, or at least strongly suspects, that Fitz will report back. Just as he suspects Jason will betray the tenuous trust he has and spill every dirty, rotten secret he has. ] He knew suffering later in life, and he was shielded from the worst of it even then. He's never been in this situation.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 07:23 am (UTC)[ splitting hairs, but it matters, in this case. ]
You can keep things from him. [ everybody lies and omits. people only think fitz does it less because he’s open about many topics. ] I won’t deny you that right, but it’s still his choice to proceed based on whatever information you’ve given him. However well you know him — and I recognise you know him better than me — you can’t make that decision for him.
[ by assuming he won’t or can’t understand. There’s nuance to the best of this world. Even Captain America and Peggy Carter did what they had to do in the war. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 07:28 am (UTC)He's going to side with my old man. And I want no part of any of that.
[ He steps back and away. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 07:31 am (UTC)Easy. [ hands up in surrender. ] Since when is your dad a factor?
[ he already has a guess: since the last wave of arrivals. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 07:32 am (UTC)[ he bleeds daddy issues, fitz. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 07:37 am (UTC)I know the feeling.
[ quite literally. the voice in his head that sounds like the other fitz or his father, depending on the day. ]
But why is anyone choosing sides?
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 07:39 am (UTC)Because I want nothing to do with him.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 08:51 am (UTC)[ for now... ]
Are others against that stance?
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 08:52 am (UTC)They say he's different. And they'll always side with him when push comes to shove.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 08:55 am (UTC)Alright. So what does that mean for you, practically speaking?
[ what’s your plan mate??? ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 08:56 am (UTC)[ Because if it's by his choice, not theirs, its better right? ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 09:32 am (UTC)[ “you’re all stubborn idiots who won’t leave each other alone” ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 09:34 am (UTC)He ruined my life. I'm not going anywhere near him.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 09:37 am (UTC)[ listen his girlfriend shot his evil dad. he can get down with the concept of slam-dunking questionable fatherhood in the trash where it belongs, but — ]
But the rest of them...
[ the brothers mainly. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 09:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 09:51 am (UTC)Then you demand space before you cut them out, so you can figure out necessary boundaries — Set ground rules about keeping their relationships to you and him separate. This city is deceptively small, for people like us.
[ this advice is absolutely some wishful thinking but uh gotta try it? ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 10:00 am (UTC)[ Frustration is creeping into his voice. ]
Imagine - a man ruins your life. Completely. Takes everything away from you. You get free and he shows up here, and you're just supposed to accept him being there.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-11 10:34 am (UTC)Hey, you don’t have to accept it. Whatever he did — it’s obviously inexcusable. No forgiveness. No mercy. [ though it’s not the same man, apparently. ] But pushing everyone away is an ill-fitting stopper.
[ likely to come loose. ]
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