( it's softer, because jason's doing his damned best here; )
We're all liars and assholes and destroy everything, I know. But don't lie to me. Anyone else, I don't give a shit. But you can't keep everything in like this.
[ He sinks down slowly. Takes a steadying breath and reaches out for Jason's face, to settle his nose. ]
What do you do [ his voice is soft, painfully soft, exposing the unarmored underbelly of his emotions. ] when you don't like who you are, and know you're never going to change.
( just when he thinks damian's emotional vulnerability can't hurt him anymore, he asks the question jason's been looking for an answer for since--god. forever. )
You fake it. ( mirroring damian's tone: ) You fake it and hope no one sees how goddamn hard it is. How much it hurts. Hope someone--learns to accept who you are on the surface even it doesn't match what's under.
[ It's not the answer he wants. But maybe it's the only one he'll ever get.
He wonders if Talia has this struggle. If the reason that she fixated on his father for so long was that she thought Bruce Wayne could see her and understand all her darkness, perhaps even love her for it.
He gives Jason no warning as he sets his nose. He drops his hands.
What if you don't like who you are? Then reinvent yourself.
( it's the only answer jason has. the only thing he's ever known. damian sets cartilage back and jason can't help the hiss that passes through teeth, shoulders tensing before he's reaching up to feel out the damage. already, it's swollen up, bruises forming under his eyes, over his nose. )
When Dick died -- [ his voice wavers. a stop. a pause. he tries to find the words again. ] Alfred never gave up on me. He... was the only one in that camp who didn't, and the only one that didn't buy whatever the hell the old man told him happened... He didn't agree with what I was doing, he was still on Father's side, but...
[ and it got him killed. ]
... If you want to see him, do it. Just don't bring him around me.
( he gets that, too. takes a moment to wipe snd smear the blood on his face. the broken skin'll need to be bandaged, but--he's fine for now. )
Thought you wanted me to leave you alone. ( quiet, but not as soft and broken as it had been. damian told him to back off, jason'll keep his word if that is what he wants. but they both know better. )
[ No. It's the problem with getting close to people who are close to Batman. He lets silence settle between them for a while, wiping his hands off on his pantleg. ]
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( it's softer, because jason's doing his damned best here; )
We're all liars and assholes and destroy everything, I know. But don't lie to me. Anyone else, I don't give a shit. But you can't keep everything in like this.
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What do you do [ his voice is soft, painfully soft, exposing the unarmored underbelly of his emotions. ] when you don't like who you are, and know you're never going to change.
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You fake it. ( mirroring damian's tone: ) You fake it and hope no one sees how goddamn hard it is. How much it hurts. Hope someone--learns to accept who you are on the surface even it doesn't match what's under.
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He wonders if Talia has this struggle. If the reason that she fixated on his father for so long was that she thought Bruce Wayne could see her and understand all her darkness, perhaps even love her for it.
He gives Jason no warning as he sets his nose. He drops his hands.
What if you don't like who you are?
Then reinvent yourself.
This is the reinvention.
He's no better. ]
I'm tired of faking it.
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Then learn to accept how you are.
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Damian sits back on his heels, working his fingers through his hair with a sigh. ]
Why do you keep coming back?
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'cause everyone always gives up on me, and I'm sure as hell not giving you the same treatment. I know how shit it feels, wouldn't wish it on anyone.
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When Dick died -- [ his voice wavers. a stop. a pause. he tries to find the words again. ] Alfred never gave up on me. He... was the only one in that camp who didn't, and the only one that didn't buy whatever the hell the old man told him happened... He didn't agree with what I was doing, he was still on Father's side, but...
[ and it got him killed. ]
... If you want to see him, do it. Just don't bring him around me.
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Thought you wanted me to leave you alone. ( quiet, but not as soft and broken as it had been. damian told him to back off, jason'll keep his word if that is what he wants. but they both know better. )
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[ Without venom. ]
I don't want you to be used against me.
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( resting his weight back on his heels. sitting is nice. maybe he'll stay here a bit. )
Guess you'll just have to learn to deal with it.
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... Kara kissed me.
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Oh? Were you into it, or was it one of those awkward ones where you just didn't know how to react?
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It was nice.
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I had a crush on her before, y'know. I mean who hasn't? Supergirl is pretty damn amazing.
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She doesn't exist in my world.
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( idly lifting his shoulders, before jason's rolling up onto his knees. )
If you like her, 's fine. Kara's a nice girl. Doesn't take anyone's shit.
( that's what's important. )
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Right. [ He still doesn't know what to do. About any of it. Or this. ] ... I'm sorry.
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( off girls, back to this. good. jason isn't a great person for girl talks. )
But don't lie to me, alright? 's all I ask.
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[ It makes him too much like Bruce. ]
I don't know what I'm doing here, Jason.
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( they're displaced, lost all the resources they had. their information is all outdated, useless. )
We'll just have to find a new path.
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I don't think I can.
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Guess we'll just have to struggle together.
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Next time, don't touch me. Just let me get it out however I need to.
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( moving both hands out, palm up to try and get damian to hand his own over to jason. )
Punch shit if you need to, don't hurt yourself.