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Do you know where I'd be without him?
( damian's talking still, at least. )
Probably dead in a sewer. Maybe still boosting tires, who knows. Maybe where I ended up is shit, too. Maybe it's not much better, worse in some places, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. He gave me a family. A home. Somewhere I could go back to if I needed it.
( damian's from different--circumstances. a different place, different world. but jason's sure he at least gets this much. )
Without him I wouldn't have you. Or Dick's irritating voice yammering on about stupid bullshit I don't care about, or Tim. I idolized him as a kid, y'know. Batman and Robin swinging around Gotham, stopping whatever loser they could find that night. I wanted it so bad, and--being Robin? That was the best time of my life. Bad shit happened, but it gave me the chance to soar. If I could go back in time and get the grimey, snot-nosed brat far away from the batmobile that night? Prevent all of this? I wouldn't.
( there are so many things he should fix, but being robin wasn't one of them. meeting bruce wasn't either. damian's world is fucked to all hell and back, sure--but he's not so sure about this bruce. doesn't want to cut ties before he knows. )
Cut ties with him, if you wanna. 's your choice. Just like cutting ties with me is. Maybe he is a fucked up monster just waiting for the chance to unleash hell on this place. But nobody knows how to stop him better than we do. And I doubt you'd be able to handle it all on your own.
( damian's talking still, at least. )
Probably dead in a sewer. Maybe still boosting tires, who knows. Maybe where I ended up is shit, too. Maybe it's not much better, worse in some places, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. He gave me a family. A home. Somewhere I could go back to if I needed it.
( damian's from different--circumstances. a different place, different world. but jason's sure he at least gets this much. )
Without him I wouldn't have you. Or Dick's irritating voice yammering on about stupid bullshit I don't care about, or Tim. I idolized him as a kid, y'know. Batman and Robin swinging around Gotham, stopping whatever loser they could find that night. I wanted it so bad, and--being Robin? That was the best time of my life. Bad shit happened, but it gave me the chance to soar. If I could go back in time and get the grimey, snot-nosed brat far away from the batmobile that night? Prevent all of this? I wouldn't.
( there are so many things he should fix, but being robin wasn't one of them. meeting bruce wasn't either. damian's world is fucked to all hell and back, sure--but he's not so sure about this bruce. doesn't want to cut ties before he knows. )
Cut ties with him, if you wanna. 's your choice. Just like cutting ties with me is. Maybe he is a fucked up monster just waiting for the chance to unleash hell on this place. But nobody knows how to stop him better than we do. And I doubt you'd be able to handle it all on your own.
He let you die!
[ There's the fire, exploding out of him at the last word. There's a second point but Damian's stuck on the first, stuck on Bruce, stuck on how infuriating it is that he gets forgiveness and he --
This one couldn't even give it to him, even if he was different. He just gets to disappoint a third Batman by virtue of being alive. ]
He let you die and let the clown keep killing! He knew it was wrong! He knew every time he brought him back to Arkham he was just going to get out again! It's easier for him when people die and so he lets it happen! He let it happen to you, to Lois, to ALFRED!
[ There's the fire, exploding out of him at the last word. There's a second point but Damian's stuck on the first, stuck on Bruce, stuck on how infuriating it is that he gets forgiveness and he --
This one couldn't even give it to him, even if he was different. He just gets to disappoint a third Batman by virtue of being alive. ]
He let you die and let the clown keep killing! He knew it was wrong! He knew every time he brought him back to Arkham he was just going to get out again! It's easier for him when people die and so he lets it happen! He let it happen to you, to Lois, to ALFRED!
I let myself die!
( he's not touching damian, doesn't get singed but jason's definitely raising his voice now, ) I was stupid, I was reckless, I ran off without telling anyone where I was going, what I was doing! The only one who's at fault for what happened to me is me.
( fingers shove through his hair, gripping hard. )
Lois isn't dead, Lois is alive and raising her son. Alfred's alive. The Joker--look, you know I don't agree with him worth shit on that rule and it ain't all black and white but fuck. ( a wide, sweeping gesture to himself. ) It's alright for the Red Hood to go around killing assholes, people don't blink an eye! Think of what Gotham'd do if Bats started at it? If he was judge, jury, executioner? You think that'd fix shit? 'cause I don't! Your Bruce is shit, but there's universes out there where I'm the biggest asshole of them all and you're still here, talking to me. Dick struggles to even look at me! I'm not forgiving B for any of it. But I'm sure as hell not gonna hold shit against someone who hasn't done any of it.
( he's not touching damian, doesn't get singed but jason's definitely raising his voice now, ) I was stupid, I was reckless, I ran off without telling anyone where I was going, what I was doing! The only one who's at fault for what happened to me is me.
( fingers shove through his hair, gripping hard. )
Lois isn't dead, Lois is alive and raising her son. Alfred's alive. The Joker--look, you know I don't agree with him worth shit on that rule and it ain't all black and white but fuck. ( a wide, sweeping gesture to himself. ) It's alright for the Red Hood to go around killing assholes, people don't blink an eye! Think of what Gotham'd do if Bats started at it? If he was judge, jury, executioner? You think that'd fix shit? 'cause I don't! Your Bruce is shit, but there's universes out there where I'm the biggest asshole of them all and you're still here, talking to me. Dick struggles to even look at me! I'm not forgiving B for any of it. But I'm sure as hell not gonna hold shit against someone who hasn't done any of it.
[ This is ordinarily where he'd hit someone.
He's taken more than one swing at Barry and Hal over the years for this stance. For not getting it - granted, they were trying to rile him up. Trying to distract him from the situation at hand, because the situation they were in was dire and Damian's "daddy issues" were getting in the way and they needed to deal with them.
But he can't - won't - hit Jason. Not again. No matter how much he wants to so he'll stop talking like he knows shit, about his better world where Bruce hadn't fucked it all up yet. He just gives an aggravated shout and hits the wall as hard as he can instead. ]
He's taken more than one swing at Barry and Hal over the years for this stance. For not getting it - granted, they were trying to rile him up. Trying to distract him from the situation at hand, because the situation they were in was dire and Damian's "daddy issues" were getting in the way and they needed to deal with them.
But he can't - won't - hit Jason. Not again. No matter how much he wants to so he'll stop talking like he knows shit, about his better world where Bruce hadn't fucked it all up yet. He just gives an aggravated shout and hits the wall as hard as he can instead. ]
( damian turns around, moves to swing his arm out and jason's immediately responding. the looseness of his shoulders leaves as he turns his hip, reaches an arm out and tries to loop it in under an elbow to attempt to stop that fist from slamming into a wall. )
I get your world is shit and everything hurts but this isn't helping anyone, D!
I get your world is shit and everything hurts but this isn't helping anyone, D!
( it slams right into his fucking face--square center for his nose and jason feels the crunch of cartilage, feels the blood gushing down his face. and man, it hurts.
enough that he does give an audible hiss and raises his free hand up to cover it. just. give him a moment. )
enough that he does give an audible hiss and raises his free hand up to cover it. just. give him a moment. )
( nose crooked but it's not the first time. won't be the last. the blood gushing's a little more concerning considering--the rush of it. how woozy he gets for a moment but it's fine, everything's fine, and jason's wiping the back of a hand below his nose to smear the blood out of the way of his mouth.
doesn't last long considering how fast the flow is. )
Stop hurting yourself, idiot.
doesn't last long considering how fast the flow is. )
Stop hurting yourself, idiot.
Your nose is broken.
[ Shit. Shit, fuck. Damian draws his hand back, shoving it through his hair. The other one joins it. Lashing out with a fist when words fail, when he knows someone's wrong.
That's a Bruce move.
He feels sick.
No, worse than that. He feels tears. ]
I broke your nose.
[ Shit. Shit, fuck. Damian draws his hand back, shoving it through his hair. The other one joins it. Lashing out with a fist when words fail, when he knows someone's wrong.
That's a Bruce move.
He feels sick.
No, worse than that. He feels tears. ]
I broke your nose.
( yeah, and it fucking hurts. his shirt's ruined, blood dripping down his chin and hitting fabric but jason's careful to shrug off the jacket real quick to keep it from getting on that too before he's. taking a step forward, again. tries to wrap his arms back around damian despite the blood fucking everywhere. )
It was already bent, no big deal. ( definitely hurts, fuck fuck fuck. it takes concentration and time to actually keep his voice even, enough of a tell for damian to pick up on but he's--not trying to hide it. not this time. ) We'll shove it back in an' stick a bandaid on it.
It was already bent, no big deal. ( definitely hurts, fuck fuck fuck. it takes concentration and time to actually keep his voice even, enough of a tell for damian to pick up on but he's--not trying to hide it. not this time. ) We'll shove it back in an' stick a bandaid on it.
( he doesn't fight it this time. there wasn't blood when dick fell, not much anyway, but that terrible crunch had resounded over the din of the fighting. But there had been blood with Alfred. With Jason, after the Clown had made a ruin if him. Damian had thought himself numb to this.
There are tears. He is numb, feels numb, but there are tears. )
There are tears. He is numb, feels numb, but there are tears. )
( sucks when someone breaks breaks your nose and they start crying over it. but jason gets it. the throbbing pain sucks, but it's the emotional pain damian's going through that he imagines is way worse. arms grip on tight, gloved fingers of one hand moving down to wipe away tears. )
I'm getting some really mixed signals here, D. ( murmured soft even if there's an edge of pain. ) Don't tell me you lied to my face earlier.
I'm getting some really mixed signals here, D. ( murmured soft even if there's an edge of pain. ) Don't tell me you lied to my face earlier.
[ But I shouldn't have broken it.
I shouldn't have friends. I shouldn't be around people. I'm good for the mission, I'm good at being a hero - I am not good at being a person, why do people keep demanding this from me. I don't want to be a person, I just want to wear the suit and save the world and let the rest all fall to noise.
He looks at the damage, not at Jason's eyes. ]
You need to go to the hospital.
I shouldn't have friends. I shouldn't be around people. I'm good for the mission, I'm good at being a hero - I am not good at being a person, why do people keep demanding this from me. I don't want to be a person, I just want to wear the suit and save the world and let the rest all fall to noise.
He looks at the damage, not at Jason's eyes. ]
You need to go to the hospital.
( skin broken up the bridge and blood still over lips, his chin, down onto the tank top he's still got on. )
It's just broken. Just shove the cartilage back.
( he hates this so much. hates how much damian's--god. how much he's given up on everything. himself, the world, everyone else around him. damian does look up though, so jason pulls back, wipes his hand across his lips again, smears blood over a cheek. )
It's just broken. Just shove the cartilage back.
( he hates this so much. hates how much damian's--god. how much he's given up on everything. himself, the world, everyone else around him. damian does look up though, so jason pulls back, wipes his hand across his lips again, smears blood over a cheek. )
( this damian is so much bigger than his own. he'd--god, they'd all hoped by this time he'd be a little better adjusted. at thirteen damian's doing a fucking great job of getting there.
at nineteen he's a mess who can't even look at jason.
lips press together tight before he's sinking down onto his knees. it doesn't quite have the effect it used to: putting himself close to eye level, damian's so much taller. by the time he's done growing jason bets he'll have outgrown them all.
but it lowers himself, makes jason tilt his head up to look at him. )
I'm fine. Will you look at me? Just for a minute. We can call someone to fix it if you can't.
at nineteen he's a mess who can't even look at jason.
lips press together tight before he's sinking down onto his knees. it doesn't quite have the effect it used to: putting himself close to eye level, damian's so much taller. by the time he's done growing jason bets he'll have outgrown them all.
but it lowers himself, makes jason tilt his head up to look at him. )
I'm fine. Will you look at me? Just for a minute. We can call someone to fix it if you can't.
[ He sinks down slowly. Takes a steadying breath and reaches out for Jason's face, to settle his nose. ]
What do you do [ his voice is soft, painfully soft, exposing the unarmored underbelly of his emotions. ] when you don't like who you are, and know you're never going to change.
What do you do [ his voice is soft, painfully soft, exposing the unarmored underbelly of his emotions. ] when you don't like who you are, and know you're never going to change.
( just when he thinks damian's emotional vulnerability can't hurt him anymore, he asks the question jason's been looking for an answer for since--god. forever. )
You fake it. ( mirroring damian's tone: ) You fake it and hope no one sees how goddamn hard it is. How much it hurts. Hope someone--learns to accept who you are on the surface even it doesn't match what's under.
You fake it. ( mirroring damian's tone: ) You fake it and hope no one sees how goddamn hard it is. How much it hurts. Hope someone--learns to accept who you are on the surface even it doesn't match what's under.
[ It's not the answer he wants. But maybe it's the only one he'll ever get.
He wonders if Talia has this struggle. If the reason that she fixated on his father for so long was that she thought Bruce Wayne could see her and understand all her darkness, perhaps even love her for it.
He gives Jason no warning as he sets his nose. He drops his hands.
What if you don't like who you are?
Then reinvent yourself.
This is the reinvention.
He's no better. ]
I'm tired of faking it.
He wonders if Talia has this struggle. If the reason that she fixated on his father for so long was that she thought Bruce Wayne could see her and understand all her darkness, perhaps even love her for it.
He gives Jason no warning as he sets his nose. He drops his hands.
What if you don't like who you are?
Then reinvent yourself.
This is the reinvention.
He's no better. ]
I'm tired of faking it.
( it's the only answer jason has. the only thing he's ever known. damian sets cartilage back and jason can't help the hiss that passes through teeth, shoulders tensing before he's reaching up to feel out the damage. already, it's swollen up, bruises forming under his eyes, over his nose. )
Then learn to accept how you are.
Then learn to accept how you are.
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